We've been friends a long time, and your support has been greatly appreciated.
Congratulations on your pending nomination. You've made sport of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, and for that you have my undying gratitude. These vermin made a huge deal out of a few rapes and assaults that my husband may have committed. You of all men know what a tough road it can be for an alpha male with a severe testosterone imbalance.
It's gratifying to see you steamroll over these little people - but I wonder if you might be enjoying yourself a bit too much? Duping all those Christian leaders into supporting you was understandably fun for you - especially that ditz, Sarah Palin - but I frankly became alarmed that in order to fool those naive people, you denied your progressive views on abortion. You've amassed an impressive list of Christian luminaries: Falwell, Peter Wagner, Pastor Jeffress, Paula White, etc. who have bought the idea that you are God's man to protect them. Is it possible that your ego has been stroked a bit too much by these zealots? These are the same people who regard my husband as a moral reprobate, and they don't seem to mind that you have openly boasted about sleeping with other men's wives! Their cognitive dissonance is marvelous theater, but their ignorance of their own book could redound to your harm if you allow them to crown you as king - they may not be mindful of the story of King Saul, but you would do well to consider it.
Donald dear - please recall what the script calls for during the coming campaign between us.
Remember, our arrangement was for you to help me win this election by making me seem likable by comparison. Also, don't forget how friendly my administration will be to aggressive business men such as yourself - for one thing we can assure that federal judges will continue to uphold your very creative interpretation of eminent domain takings that benefit your enterprises.
My dear friend, I know that Latin is not your forte', but I was led to believe that you understand the meaning of 'quid pro quo.'
My affection for you is deep - the admiration that a witch feels for a warlock. Out of love, I remind you that "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!"
Know what I mean?
Love ya,
Hillary
P.S.
Should this FBI business take an unexpected turn for the worse, I'll consent to a change in our agreement, and will of course need you to issue a full pardon when you take office.
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