If I Was Trump's Speechwriter

My fellow Americans.

My physician put something in my tea that he said will help me speak more clearly.

America is great again, thanks to my magnificent leadership.

As the greatest President of the greatest country that ever countried, it is imperative that I enforce humane standards of military aggression in the world, especially when it comes to murdering civilians.

I have ordered hundreds of sorties which have killed thousands of innocent men, women, and children. But there were some terrorists killed, too. More importantly, NOT ONE person was killed by chemical weapons. Rest assured, that if you are ever targeted for a violent death at the hands of America's military, it won't be by chemical weapons. America kills children with drone strikes, cluster bombs, napalm, as well as by conventional artillery fire and small arms. And nukes too, I think - history isn't my forte'. Because we are great, it is the United States' prerogative to decide the moral and proper way to kill innocent people. Only America and it's allies may murder civilians, and only with weapons approved by America.

Israel and Saudi Arabia have 007 status, and are licensed to murder with impunity in places like Syria, Gaza, the West Bank, and Yemen.

Now, about Syria. One year ago, a chemical weapons attack occurred in that country. All the people I regularly denounce as "fake news" assured me that Assad was responsible. For reasons I won't disclose, I heeded that mob, and launched about $100 million worth of Tomahawk missiles against Assad's Syrian Arab Army. I realize that evidence later emerged that the chemical weapons were actually launched by terrorists fighting against the SAA, but that is quite beside the point. You see, there have long been plans for a pipeline across Syria - which would redound to the benefit of Iran, Syria, and perhaps Russia. It would undermine American-Israeli-Saudi hegemony in the region, and that is unacceptable to the psychopaths who actually run our great country.

So, a year later, we have another chemical attack in Syria, and the same fake news people who blamed Assad last year, are again laying it on him. Therefore, I will be ordering more attacks on Syria, and will do so before facts have a chance to undermine the anti Assad hysteria.

Because despite the fact that I, your great President, decry the waste and harm caused by our endless wars, those wars will go on no matter who is President.

Please don't tell anyone that I'm not really in charge.

America in the Bible

Dear Uncle Sam,

I found your bio in the Bible:

"A worthless person, a wicked man, Is the one who walks with a perverse mouth, Who winks with his eyes, who signals with his feet, Who points with his fingers; Who with perversity in his heart continually devises evil, Who spreads strife. Therefore his calamity will come suddenly; Instantly he will be broken and there will be no healing. There are six things which the Lord hates, Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him: Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, And hands that shed innocent blood, A heart that devises wicked plans, Feet that run rapidly to evil, A false witness who utters lies, And one who spreads strife among brothers." (Proverbs 6:12-19)

You have lied and deceived your way into every war Americans have entered since the War of 1812 - every single one. Your self flattering propaganda has served your purpose in each war. You aren't "spreading freedom" or defending us against enemies - you are spreading fear, and making our country a pariah among the nations, and are yourself an enemy of the Constitution you claim to support.

Add abortion, and you have the blood of untold millions on your hands.

So, I don't want to hold hands with you!

We, the people of America, have been bountifully blessed - IN SPITE OF YOU, NOT BECAUSE OF YOU.

I mean no offense, but when the choice is allegiance to you or to Jesus, I choose Jesus (cf. Exodus 20.3)

Lord, have mercy on your people in the midst of your righteous judgment.

Mourning Our War Dead

And when Jesus entered Capernaum, a centurion came to Him, imploring Him, and saying, "Lord, my servant is lying paralyzed at home, fearfully tormented."Jesus said to him, "I will come and heal him." But the centurion said, "Lord, I am not worthy for You to come under my roof, but just say the word, and my servant will be healed. "For I also am a man under authority, with soldiers under me; and I say to this one, `Go!' and he goes, and to another, `Come!' and he comes, and to my slave, `Do this!' and he does it." Now when Jesus heard this, He marveled and said to those who were following, "Truly I say to you, I have not found such great faith with anyone in Israel. "I say to you that many will come from east and west, and recline at the table with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven; but the sons of the kingdom will be cast out into the outer darkness; in that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth." And Jesus said to the centurion, "Go; it shall be done for you as you have believed." And the servant was healed that very moment. (Matthew 8:5-13,NAS)

Jesus marveled at the Roman centurion’s faith.

Jesus didn’t endorse Imperial Rome - an officer of Imperial Rome endorsed Jesus. The centurion acknowledged a kingdom other than Rome, and a king other than Caesar. And King Jesus received him.

Were Jesus a modern Neoconservative, he’d have pledged allegiance to Rome, and thanked the centurion for "preserving freedom." (Never mind that Neoconservatives are the enemies of freedom)

But Jesus is no jingoist.

Had Jesus been a modern Progressive, he’d have waxed indignant, chastising the centurion for supporting a regime that upheld slavery, wars of conquest, and occupation of foreign lands. (Never mind that Progressives historically support the worst tyrants)

But Jesus isn’t a political agitator.

King Jesus transcends political views. He called Apostles from the extreme left (Matthew the tax collector), and the far right (Simon the zealot).

He hasn’t come to take sides - He’s come to take over!

Therefore, whether you believe in the justness of some, all, or none of our several wars - don't insult the troops. But don't pretend their deployments around the world "keep us free."

Today, Memorial Day, is supposed to be the day we mourn the nearly 1.5 million who didn’t survive the wars we sent them to fight. They did their duty, and paid the ultimate price.