Oprah: "Poverty is over in Cook County!"

Oprah Winfrey announced today that a group of about 100 celebrities have covenanted together to end poverty in Cook County, Illinois, this year.

Ms. Winfrey said: "War on poverty was declared over forty years ago, and $trillions have been spent by government in that war - yet this community continues to suffer. Today, we declare, not war, but victory, over poverty."

Ms. Winfrey and other famous Chicagoans have been meeting secretly for several months, outting together the ultimate wealth redistribution plan. Recently, through the influence of Barbra Streisand, magnificoes from outside of Chicago became part of what is hoped will be a model of egalitarian social justice for communities across America.

Here is the plan in a nutshell:

Ms. Winfrey and the group of 100 - all millionaires, and many billionaires - will each henceforth retain only $900,000 per year of their after tax income. All money over that amount will be donated to the less fortunate of Cook County.

The celebrities also agreed to limit themselves to two homes apiece; all other real estate holdings will be liquidated, and the proceeds redistributed to the less fortunate of Cook County.

Ms. Winfrey, speaking near the old location of the Capone gang in Cicero, on the south side, said, "Progressives have been very generous with other people's money, and demanding greater regulating of business and more taxes from the wealthy to support social programs. Today we stop waiting for others to do the right thing, and we put ourselves forth as examples of how the very rich can lift others up."

Specific numbers were not disclosed, but Onesimus Jones has learned that by the end of 2010, about $8 billion dollars will be distributed among the poorest two million residents of Cook county, about $4,000 per person. Projections for 2011 call for about $5,000 per person for the same group.

Other celebrities making the covenant with Oprah include: Barack Obama, Tim Geithner, Michael Moore, Barbra Streisand, Jon Stewart, Al Franken, Jesse Jackson, Tim Robbins, Sean Pean, Ellen Degeneres, Steven Spielberg, and Arianna Huffington. The complete list will be released later this month.

Oprah wanted to announce the covenant on New Year's Day, but details took longer to finalize, delaying the announcement until April 1st.